‘No’ is a perfectly acceptable answer
Knowing so many of you as I do, I know that you are genuine people who desire to be good and to be known in that way. You want to leave more good than bad in the lives of those with whom you cross paths. You want to help others achieve better lives for themselves. And you want to be an agent of love and positivity, and not an agent of disrespect, criticality, or rudeness. You . . . . We. . . . Are uncomfortable with pain and hurt, and so we live our lives trying to help wherever we can. For example, we find the ASPCA commercials with the sick and abused animals to be truly difficult to sit through.
Many of us struggle when we don’t pull out our wallets to support quality causes. We want to have more fiscal resources to support the good in the world and defeat the bad. Unfortunately, we aren’t independently wealthy so we have to make difficult decisions about where our pennies go. The same is true with our time and other resources. When someone asks us for help, we want to help them. But quickly saying ‘yes’ to every request that comes along quickly means that we are saying ‘no’ to those that are closest to us in our lives and to ourselves. We tell ourselves that we won’t let it happen, but there is only so much to go around.
Taking care of those that we love has to take a priority. But truly, it is difficult to take care of anyone else if we are not taking care of ourselves. If your cup is empty, then you have nothing to give to someone else. Why do we feel guilty when we need to say ‘no’? We all want to be liked and we want to be seen as ‘good’ people . . . Many of us want to be known as ‘Godly’ people. But even Christ took time away to pray and renew himself. Are we less human and more Godly than He? Of course we are not. We all need time to take care of ourselves and time to take care of those that we love, but if we are empty, we have nothing to give to anyone else.
We must be smart about what we say ‘yes’ to and what we say ‘no’ to. So too often, we don’t say ‘no’ or ‘no thank you’ at all. We try to save the world, and in the process, we lose ourselves and those that are closest to us. We don’t pay attention to those that we love, because we are running from one task to another, trying to check off all the boxes. And before we know it, relationships are damaged, loved ones are involved in unhealthy behaviors, and those that we love find attention in other places.
I am NOT saying that their decisions are our fault. But I am saying that there is a conversation about boundaries that happens a long time before we end up with negative behaviors in our lives from those that we love. Quite often, that conversation needs to start with TRULY taking care of ourselves mentally, emotionally, physically, relationally, financially, and spiritually. . . . And learning to be comfortable doing it. Checking off a list of ‘good things to do’ each day does not mean that we receive the benefit of those behaviors as we need or want. Good things to do take time . . . . prayer, meditation, flossing, and exercising are just a few that come to mind. And each of these starts by becoming comfortable with establishing boundaries and prioritizing the time to do them with purpose and attention.
Once we establish a boundary, and become comfortable with it, amazing things can happen in our lives. Those boundaries can actually bloom into beautiful new opportunities in our lives, and in the lives of those that we love, in unexpected and unanticipated ways. Numerous clients have shared such stories with me. Stories that would motivate you to seriously consider putting energy behind creating a boundary, and becoming comfortable with it, so that such surprise blooms can be generated in your life. Our complimentary resource, ‘Blooming Boundaries’, is available for you to download from your inbox. I hope you will take advantage of it and then reach out and share the blooms that are created in your life.
Happy 2023!!! I’m believing that this is the year where blooms are created in your life that make it more amazing for you and for those that you love — more than you can even dream of.
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Memaw Wisdom Coaching January 2023 Edition © 2023 Memaw Wisdom Coaching All Rights Reserved |