How Did I Get Here?

Do you ever look up and realize that you have no idea how you got to the place where you find yourself?

You realized that you have a belief that is not in alignment with who you want to be. You find yourself trying to change adults because . . . . well, they are not doing what they need to do NOR are they living up to the potential that you see in them.You learn that your body is battling inflammation and other diseases arising from a lack of care and attention.You child is graduating, and you realize that you have not been the parent that you wanted to be, so now you find yourself trying to embed your decision making into their life.

In each of these situations, we typically find ourselves justifying our choices because it was the best that we could do. And the best that we could do is based on how we see ourselves, how we see those around us, and how we view the opportunities and responsibilities that we have in our lives. Maybe we are right. But maybe we are only seeing a fraction of what is going on.

It is easy for these things to happen, as the pace of life and the number of balls that we are juggling in each aspect of our lives continues to increase exponentially. It is increasingly common for us to look up to find that life has moved us to a mindset, an emotion, a physical issue, a relational situation, a resource need, or a spiritual deficit that we didn’t anticipate. And we didn’t see the warning signs that we were approaching a cliff at 100 mph.

Most of us have had this experience. We are busy. Every minute is booked. When we dig deeper we realize that most of those minutes are double or triple booked with aspects of our life that we believe are too important to pass up. So we add another log on the smoldering fire that our lives are turning into. There is smoke, there is the smell of embers, if you pay enough attention, but many times we truly don’t take the time to slow down and notice — until we are in a full blown fire that cannot be extinguished with a simple fire extinguisher.

• The spouse feels unappreciated and finds someone who will pay attention, or
• One of our kids won’t come home or talk to us, but will talk to a group of young adults who are questionable in their choices on their best day, or
• Our mental, physical, or relational health is defined in a terminal state without a medical miracle to look forward to, or
• Multiple of these issues occur within a short period of time, and soon we find ourselves feeling like we are down for the count without the energy or will to take on another day …

We look up and have no idea how we got here. We don’t recognize our lives.

Frequently, while working with families and family members, I find that we are focused on the schedule, instead of using our energy to focus on the quality that is required to keep our lives, and the lives of those that we love, on the track that we want them to be on. We have to get the kids to soccer practice and piano lessons, build our careers, put ourselves out there so that we can find a significant other, and be sure we aren’t too late to church or temple. Before we realize it, we are checking off boxes even on the most intimate aspects of our lives, without being fully present to experience them.

In June and July, I will be leading a coaching book club. We will focus on the new book by T.D. Jakes called ‘Disruptive Thinking’ (copyright May 2023). This event includes five one-hour coaching sessions, where we will dissect the text in small chunks to identify how we can use it to improve our lives and the lives of our families. In this book, Jakes uses the examples in his life of disruptive thinking, and encourages us all to consider how we change and improve our lives by learning from his examples. Yes, there are challenges when we start practicing disruptive thinking. We won’t be ‘going with the flow’ of those around us. We will be forging our own paths and making intentional decisions and life choices. And that is really one of the best way to avoid looking up again to ask ‘how did I get here’.

I hope you will sign up and join us for this event. It is a small commitment of time and money that can pay off with high benefits in your life. Use this coupon code (20dollarsoff) for a discounted price only offered to those of you who read this newsletter.

Please reach out and let me know how I can support you at memaw.life/contact. You will also find our coaching application at the top of the webpage.

Looking forward to partnering with you again soon,

Marsha