Last week, I suggested that if we aren’t careful and truly paying attention, we will invite the twins of shame and guilt into our lives, and the lives of those we love, at alarming frequency, with alarming impact and long-lasting power. Are you comfortable continuing to do that to those that you say that you love? Are you comfortable continuing to do that to yourself?
For those of you who follow anything that is Biblical, you have heard ‘faith, hope and love’ – 1 Corinthians 13 verse 13 says “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” It is a beautiful chapter that talks about how all of the things that we know and experience in life will go away, except for faith, hope and love — and of those, the greatest is love . . . . real love . . . .not the love we hear about in songs and on TV, or read about on social media. I’m talking about the good stuff, the real stuff . . . .real agape love. Whether you are a person of faith or not, this is a beautiful chapter. I always find it uplifting, especially when I am down. Because this chapter reminds me that love is real, and then I remember that I have experienced real love, and that life isn’t what I am feeling just in that one moment — life will get better again.
Today, I want to suggest that the greatest antidote to the twins of guilt and shame are the triplets of faith | grace, hope, and love (and yes, I am making a slight editorial adjustment by adding the word ‘grace’).
Faith is the act of believing in something that we can’t see. You do not have to be a ‘person of faith’ to have faith. For example, when you woke up this morning and took a big stretch and had a nice big yawn, you had faith that there would be air that would fill your lungs and allow you to keep breathing and living. I’d be willing to bet that you didn’t even think about it. That is faith. Believing in something that you cannot see is something that we all do quite a bit more than we think about or talk about. I have faith in a lot of things. Because of that faith, I can practice grace. Grace is when you deserve one thing but are given something greater; another way of looking at grace is that you deserve one punishment but receive a much lesser punishment.
I heard a woman speak this past week; her story is a perfect example of grace. She has a very prestigious title in a very prestigious company. She shared a story from her first manager position, when she and her team were given a job. They worked, but the bosses didn’t like their solution, and told them to do it again. So she worked with her team and they came up with a wonderful solution, which everyone loved and celebrated. A week later, she realized that she had only given the team one of the job’s criteria, which meant the team had addressed only that one piece of the information. The result was that the company was fined significantly and took a huge negative market hit. When she realized what she had done, she went to the boss of her boss, expecting to be fired on the spot. She knew that she needed to apologize, which she did. He pulled her into his office and said “Yes, you made a significant mistake. It has negatively impacted our company and it will negatively impact you and I personally and professionally.” Then there was silence. She was waiting for the anger, but the man stopped talking. After what seemed like hours of painful silence, she apologized again. At that point, he told her that he knew that she was the type of leader who would learn from this mistake, and never let it happen again. He said that he would support her throughout the inevitable fall-out that would come, but that this was the end of it, from his perspective. As she related this story, she stopped, looked at the camera and said, “I could not believe that this was all. He showed me grace and I learned more about being a good parent, a good manager, and a better person in that horrific moment than at any other time in my life and I have worked to emulate this grace every single day since.”
Where can you model grace in your life? Where can grant yourself time and space so that the twins don’t take control? Where can you give yourself time to think about how to practice giving grace instead?
Hope is based on faith and grace. Hope allows us to believe for the best even when the circumstances don’t seem to be in alignment. Hope allows us to believe that even though we see things that are not going well for our kids or others in our lives, we choose to believe that this will change. Choosing to believe for something more positive is hope. Some examples include:
- a safe COVID vaccine sooner than later
- more positive health results
- a different number on the scale
- an end to racial tensions in our country and across the globe
- we learn to treat ourselves and each other with respect and kindness
Hope is a powerful practice. Where can you offer hope to those around you? Where can you offer hope to those that you love who are battling addictions? Where can you offer hope to your kids (regardless of their age or stage in life), so they realize that today does not define the entirety of a life. . . .that today is just today, and that you have hope and faith in them for more and greater? None of these cost you anything, but the receiver may actually receive the gift that they really need to have just a glimmer of hope. If you have never given the gift of hope, you deserve to have the experience. It is life changing.
“And the greatest of these is love.” Not the love that we hear about in our world today, but the real stuff, genuine agape love that is there, regardless of how we show up or what baggage we carry. Love is based on faith | grace, and hope. Love is not an emotion. It is a commitment that we make multiple times a day, when those in our lives show up with eyes that cannot see our love, or when they carry baggage that prevents them from taking hold of the love that we offer. But the love doesn’t go away because of those things. This kind of love cannot be killed or die. That same chapter says
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
From last week, remember the father who kicked his son in the butt? What if that same man thought about parenting his son with faith | grace, hope, and THIS KIND of love? What if we each thought about ‘loving’ those in our lives based on this definition of love? I didn’t say that it would be easy, but with faith | grace and hope, I believe that this kind of love is possible for our families and for our world. If we let the twins continue to take control, and we don’t give ourselves the time and space to allow faith | grace, hope and love, we won’t see anything positive in the lives of those that we love. And the fallout that the twins of shame and guilt bring into our families and our world will continue to move our world down the path we are currently on, regardless of who sits in the White House.
What are YOU doing to make your family and your world better through the triplets?
I invite you to abandon the twins by ensuring time and space exist before you open your mouth, make a decision, and allow your face to show what you are feeling. Embrace the triplets of faith | grace, hope, and love. You and I both like it best when others gift us with the triplets. Don’t you think those in your world would appreciate being free of you bringing the twins to the party? 2021 is right around the corner, so now is DEFINITELY the time to get to know the triplets. Start letting them take some leadership in your life and in your relationships with others. Memaw Wisdom Coaching is here to support and help you in this journey. We look forward to hearing from and partnering with you. Let us hear from you today. E-mail: memaw@earthlink.net | Website | Application for Coaching | Share with others so that they can sign up for this free newsletter.
December 2020 | 2nd Week Edition
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