How much has fear robbed from you? How much of your life have you shied away from doing because you believe the lie that you don’t know how, that you cannot figure it out, or that you will be bothering people if you ask them for help. Plato said, “We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” One of the things that coaching has taught me is how significant and impactful it is when we believe our own lies about ourselves. This is DEFINITELY a huge topic! But for today, let’s just address one of the lies so many of us believe about ourselves — I don’t know how, and I can’t learn.
Recently, I was serving as an ‘adopted by the heart Memaw’ to an amazing young lady. She is gorgeous, has a strong mind, a good heart, and is abundantly talented . . . . And she shies away from new things. So I taught her a little strategy . . . When you are presented with a new situation, and it is unfamiliar to you, ask yourself these 3 questions:
- Do I see anything here that would suggest that this is a really dumb idea?
- Why does this feel / look unsafe to me?
- Is the evidence that I’m using in #2 real (do others see this as well?) or imagined?
It doesn’t really matter who you are, how old you are, or the issue that you face. The 3 questions listed above are good questions to ask of yourself. Now here is the fourth question:
4. If you cannot find evidence that makes it unsafe, do it and just do it afraid.
At first, it is probably wise to answer the questions on paper, so that you can see what you are thinking and not lose track. But after you learn the strategy, you can do it quickly, and then get your emotions to follow where your mind will lead. It is not always easy to do things that your emotions don’t like, but you can definitely use your mind to push past your emotions. The more experience you have moving toward the things that you don’t know, the more your feelings will dial down their attack weapons against you. You cannot live your life based on your emotions — they will rob from you.
You will never know what you can accomplish and how many talents and skills you have until you just forge ahead. When I was a child I use to ask trusted adults, ‘Which do you listen to? Your heart or your head.” What I can tell you from working on this topic for more than a few decades is that your emotions are fickle and you do not want to follow them. Use your head. If you are a person of faith, use your faith with your mind.
It is a critical act of maturity to learn to tease out the lies that your emotions use to keep you stuck in the same place. Your gut may have knots, your voice may quiver, and your legs may shake. But if you have gone through the 4 questions, and really spent some time evaluating the reality of why you are afraid, this will begin to change your life. In these cases, ignore the fear. It will follow the reality of your experience and your mind can impact your emotions if you will have these difficult conversations with yourself and discipline those unruly and immature emotions.
When you are ready for a coaching partner to help you establish forward direction in your life, we are here ready to support you and help you to have the support that you need. None of us achieve anything if we allow our emotions to keep our feet permanently planted in the concrete of where we are. There is no future without forward movement and Memaw Wisdom Coaching has a distinct pattern of helping others to move forward so that fear doesn’t continue to keep them bound where they currently stand.
“Just try new things. Don’t be afraid. Step out of your comfort zones and soar, all right?” Michelle Obama
Check out our website and get to know us. Set up a free 30 minute consultation session or complete our contact form and let’s talk about how we can partner with and support you. We look forward to hearing from and partnering with you.
October 2020 | Week 2 Edition
@2020 Memaw Wisdom Coaching All Rights Reserved