When we talk about what you use to make your decisions — your head or your heart — we all know that emotions (our hearts) can lie to us quite easily. Emotions are fickle and can be impactful on us for no logical reason . . . . because they lie. Emotions can cause us to make really stupid decisions. But it is a little bit different when we talk about acceptance. Some acceptance requires the involvement of the head, and some requires the involvement of the heart. True and deep acceptance requires a combination of our head and our heart, with each of them bringing their strengths.
Like most everything else, there are surface levels to acceptance, and there are deep levels for acceptance. What you need to accept will drive part of this conversation. The depth with which you have trained your head and your heart to work together will also impact acceptance. For example, earlier this month, I shared a story with you about a recent performance evaluation. I had to use my head to determine why my emotions were acting up. Then I had to use my head again to make my emotions understand that there was nothing I could do about this that wouldn’t cause me more drama, pain, and hurt. Yes, my emotions pushed back, but they couldn’t offer my mind anything that would prove the point to be questionable. In the end, my emotions had to accept the impact of my mind’s decisions or otherwise, I could still be spinning about it . . . and that is just prison by another name, which I am not interested in living in.
So, when you determine that you are going to accept something, it is important to decide if you need to accept it at the head level, the heart level, or the combination level. Each situation is different. As you train your head and heart to work together more seamlessly, you will learn to do more of this up front. And you will learn the importance of communication.
For example, when someone is trying to sell you something, you likely go along with them, using your head and your heart, until they get to a point that you need to stop and re-evaluate. At that point, you need to re-evaluate how far you can go down this path with them. Knowing this about yourself is very important. It is also important, in some instances, to be able to communicate that point. Especially if you are being sold something from someone that you know and love. You don’t want to blindside them when you need to back up and no longer continue this journey with them. I will say something like . . ‘I am willing to schedule another conversation with you. At the end of that conversation, I will determine if I can continue with you on the next steps or not. Is this reasonable with you?’ And then, I call it out to them. Something like ‘Before we started today’s conversation, we agreed that I would stop and re-evaluate at the end of today’s conversation, right? At this point, I need 48 hours to consider if this is going to be something that is good for me or not.’ Now, you may get pushback, but if someone that you love and respect isn’t willing to consider your needs with this type of up front agreement, then you may need to re-evaluate the place you have given this person in your life. There does not need to be any drama, simply state that you made the agreement, and you need for them to allow you the time that was agreed to. You get the picture.
There are also examples that we could talk about, such as health issues that you are working through with your doctors, relational issues that you are working through with significant others, and financial issues that you are working through. The point is that it is important for you to communicate what you are accepting as your next step, and when you will need to re-evaluate before moving forward any further. One of the worse things you can do is to cut off communication, especially if this is someone that is important to you.
Years ago, I had a person in my life that was going to pick me up to go somewhere. He picked me up and was drunk. I didn’t realize it until we were about 20 miles down the road, and the slurring of the words became much more pronounced. I couldn’t get out of the car, but I could make it very clear that if he ever picked me up again after he had had more than one drink, I would not get in the vehicle.
Sometimes knowing your acceptance level is not the problem. Rather, communication of your acceptance level is the problem. Sometimes, the reverse is the problem. Either way, these are valuable life skills. I had to learn them like you. Also, feel free to share your experiences with your acceptance process and communication. I always love hearing from you and learning from your experiences. It help me to learn and grow as well. Until next time. 🙂
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