It could be compared to running into a brick wall at 100 mph. You may have seen the brick wall approaching or it may have been a total shock when you hit it. Nonetheless, your body goes into shock (not clinically maybe, but shock, nonetheless). Your gut has a palpable knot that fills every space from your waist through your legs. Your mind struggles to focus on anything and races uncontrollably. Every cell in your body feels unsafe.
We see this happen from the crib and throughout the remainder of life. . . . In the playpen, on the playground, in the school cafeteria, in our homes, at work . . . . All throughout our lives. Whether it is real or perceived loss, it is nonetheless, loss.
The researched ‘most stressful life events’ center around loss. Death of a loved one, Divorce \ Separation, Moving, Major Illness, Job loss, Incarceration. Even if you requested or wanted this change in your life, the change is driven because there has been a loss. It could include all sorts of emptiness and change in your life, but many of these experiences lead to a loss of identity which impacts us at our core. It is a scary event to wake up knowing who you are, how you will spend your day, and what you will do today, where you are going — only to awaken on the next day and not have much of a clue about who you are anymore, let alone what you are doing or where you are going. Loss is one of several life experiences where the anticipation of it is different than its reality.
How we deal with loss has far reaching implications. Since we are more vulnerable during these times, those that we allow into the inner circle of our life have heightened power over us. Narrowing our sphere of close and trusted loved ones during this time is a valuable decision. We are easily led into decisions that will comfort us for a short period of time but may work to get us further off track from the life that we want for ourselves after healing has a chance to gain a footing.
Many find that they get to know the spiritual aspect of their lives much more intimately especially during the early days of living with loss. There are numerous practices that people find that renew their ability to take a step forward. These have included: attending mass or synagogue, praying, or reading the Bible, having a scheduled time to talk with a trusted friend each day, completing a vigorous workout, taking a walk outside, grounding, tapping, practicing breathing techniques, journaling, etc. Most individuals find that a combination of these proves helpful and reduces the desire for a ‘fight, flight, or freeze’ reaction, which is totally common.
This whole ‘living with loss’ experience is part of life, but it is not a part that we post on social media. It will not go into our highlight reel. . . . And yet once we get to the other side . . . . After we take a few steps away from the depth of the pit, it can be an amazing gift in our lives. . . . Not the loss part, but the opportunities that loss provides to redefine ourselves and what we want in our lives.
If you, like I, have experienced significant loss in your life, please let me start with ‘I am so very sorry for your loss’. And quickly follow that up with ‘I’m so happy for us to get to the other side where you are able to see at least a couple of steps in front of you where new invitations will present themselves.’ In my experience, the grieving process requires at least two critical elements: be GENTLE with yourself (no negative self-talk), and do NOT try to rush the process. It takes the time that it takes. I have found myself and others that I have worked with on the floor in a puddle a full year after the initial loss. IT TAKES THE TIME THAT IT TAKES . .. . AND THAT IS OKAY.
I am offering a group coaching event, ‘Living with Loss’, (4 sessions) in April. Why would you want to participate? Maybe you are going through a fresh loss. Maybe you haven’t healed from a loss that happened some time back, and need a safe place to heal and think about how you can best move forward. Is your family struggling with a loss? Are you questioning how to be supportive of them while you keep yourself afloat? Maybe you are aware of a loved one that is going through loss, and you want to avoid making the common mistakes that everyone else is making in trying to support that person. Take a look at the individual sessions and consider how this might help you or a loved one get to the point where you are able to see two steps in front of you and the invitations that you will find there.
I invite you to join a group of like-minded individuals who would love to support you during this part of your journey. To support your decision, please use this 20% off coupon when you sign up. Coupon code is 20Gift.
Questions? I am honored to help. https://memaw.life/contact.
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Memaw Wisdom Coaching
April 2023 Edition
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